Tuesday, April 3, 2012
I have said this before and I will say it again, running is one of the best things that has happened in my life! I have found a strength I never thought I had, the ability to be an athlete when I never could be when I was younger, I have made some of the dearest friends I ever could have asked for and I have been able to keep depression at bay which in turn has made me a much healthier and better person. I am so grateful and love it so much! However, there are some pitfalls to this sport and at this point, I may have fallen into a few of them.
My race schedule this year is bigger than it's ever been. I swore up and down I would NEVER do a full marathon, and this year I have signed up and paid for my first one ever! I must have been under the influence or completely out of my mind when that became a good idea in my head! There are numerous half marathons as well as a couple of 55+ mile relays of which I am a part of. It is all so exciting when you're planning your season of races at the beginning of the year, but when you get down to it and the training is getting heavy, it is easy for me to get bogged down with life.
I have a relay coming up in 2 week and then a half marathon in just over 6. And for some reason, I am feeling ill prepared for that half marathon. I know that I have been having a difficult time fitting in my training with my family's crazy schedule as well as my unusual work schedule. My house feels a little something like one of those hoarder shows with papers from school projects, magazines, dishes in the sink, dog toys all over the floor, folded laundry stacked in piles on the dresser, clutter on the kitchen counter, a bathroom that needs to be cleaned and floors needing to be swept. The fridge needs a good over haul, the dishwasher needs to be emptied, wedding invitations need to be responded to, grocery lists and weekly menus need to be made and there is a sticky film of maple syrup on the dining room table where each of my boys eat their meals every day. To put it in a plain and simple way, I am NOT focused!!
I can't seem to complete one task from beginning to end anymore. I start one thing, the phone rings, the dog barks, the stack of papers on the counter draws my attention away from tending to the sticky mess on the table and I am forever lost. I now have a half of a stack of papers that I have sorted with 14 more things that need to be signed and put back in the mail, a dog sleeping under my feet at the kitchen sink where the dishes have somehow multiplied and a quarter less sticky spot on my dining table, but a sticky spot none-the-less. And that is all on a day that I don't have to work! We won't even talk about what doesn't get accomplished on those days!!
How in the world am I to refocus my little world into manageable bits and pieces so that I don't go and completely lose my mind? It used to be that I would go for my scheduled run and be happier, a little more energetic and motivated, but lately that hasn't been the case at all! Now I feel like I am drowning in tasks needing to be done, unhappy family members needing more and more of me or my time, friends wondering what in the hell happened to me because they haven't seen or heard from me in weeks, and a training scheduling pointing it's long, skinny finger at me with a scowl on it's face judging me for not getting the miles in while all I want to do is point a different finger right back at it in the vertical position rather than horizontal!
Am I over trained? Am I trained enough? Am I headcase or just an every day, average, working mother of two boys with busy schedules, a husband wanting more time with his wife and a little more accomplished around the house? Is it time to back off on the miles and hit the cross training a little harder? Is it feasible or realistic to think I can do all of the events on the calendar? Am I being selfish because that's what I want to do? Am I bad wife and mother because I have focused so much time on my training in the past? Is it all just catching up to me?
I have no idea! I don't know the answer to any of those questions right now. What I do know is that I need a shower from this morning's workout! And a nap would be phenomenal, but that isn't going to happen! So I think I'll take that shower, defrost some chicken for dinner, grab a cup of coffee, and just take a deep breath! That, I know I can handle! And maybe, just maybe, I'll finish those dishes. Completing something is better than nothing, right?