Surf City Half Marathon

So, nearly two months after the fact, I think I might possibly have a few minutes to write about my incredible trip to San Diego, the events leading up to the trip and the footprint it has indefinitely left on my soul.  I can honestly say that training for that half marathon was the most focused I have been before any event, other than maybe my first triathlon.  It was the most incredible and gracious gift that I had ever been given.  My coach, Rob, handed me an opportunity I didn't know how to refuse, even though my head was telling me that he was crazy for doing it and that I wasn't anything special!  Why would he want to train me, fly my husband and I out to San Diego, let us stay with him and then run a half marathon with me?  Little ol' me?  Really?  Besides, he'd never even met me!!  After being there, meeting my incredible coach for the first time in person and getting to know him better and better, I still can't wrap my head around it.  There are just people in this world that make you want to become a better person.  They do the most selfless things and ask nothing in return and want you to believe that you are worth all of it.  I know this, because Rob is one of those people!  I like to believe that God has brought Rob into my life so that one day I can show someone else the grace that he has shown me. There's just no other answer.

So, the week did not start out the way we had planned!  Not by a long shot!  The short of it is that at the end of the previous week, I began having some problems with my bad eye.  The eye that I wear the prosthetic in. I was in a lot of pain. The type of aching pain like a sinus headache, something I have never really struggled with before, and then there was this horrible swelling under my left eye as if someone had cold clocked me a good one!  It was red, warm to the touch, painful and swollen for several days.  The stupid thing is that I really didn't think too much of it until 4:00 am on Sunday morning when the pain woke me from a solid sleep.  It was then that Mike and I made our way to the hospital.

Thinking it would be one of those, "here is an antibiotic (enter nervous tics and traumatic fear) and some pain meds, come back if it gets worse" kind of deals, but within an hour, I was being admitted.  Admitted??  What??  And then I was being wheeled in for a CT scan of my head.  Three IV antibiotics, pain medication that brought on intense nausea and vomiting, and a pretty scary CT scan left me with a diagnosis of Periorbital Cellulitis.  Of course my first reaction was that this had something to do with FAT!  Had to, right?  Cellulitis sure sounds a lot like cellulite to me!!  But basically, the area around my eye was infected and the fear was that the infection had traveled into the bone between my eye socket and sinuses.  If that was the case, we were looking at 6-8 weeks of IV antibiotics.  We wouldn't know anything for a few days when they would repeat the CT scan to see if there were any improvements.

Of course, my first words were, "Well, I have a plane to catch on Thursday and a half marathon to run on Sunday, so just make that happen!"  Hmmm....I don't think that was even close to being on the radar of the three doctors who were now in charge of my care.  A hospitalist, an ENT and an Infectious Disease doc.  They told me I couldn't fly, then they told me I might be able to fly, but wouldn't be able to run, they told me they would have to put in a PIC line and I would have to go to a hospital in Sand Diego twice a day for IV antibiotics while I was there, then they told me an oral antibiotic just might do the trick.  I had no idea what was going to happen!  The thought of sunny days, warmer temperatures and those looming 13.1 miles seemed so out of reach at that point.  I spent my days pushing my IV pole around the unit, visiting with friends and family and trying to stay positive.  I was going to California, damn it!  And I was going to run the race of a lifetime too!  I had cheated death on more than one occasion, a set back of cellulite or whatever the heck this was, sure wasn't going to mess with my half marathon!

A few changes were made to my antibiotics and, of course, the fear of SJS returning took hold of my heart and mind and ran with it.  I was scared and angry and hopeful all at the same time. Each and every time they would come in with a new bag of fluid, I thought this could possibly be me staring at the culprit of another bout of that terrible illness.  The fear is unlike anything I have ever experienced before I got sick, but lives with me every time I have to take a medication. But after the second CT scan on that Tuesday morning, I was on my way home that afternoon with a bottle of antibiotics, steroids and the best case scenario I could have asked for.  The infection  seemed to be responding to the treatment and I was getting on that plane in two days!!!!

So that's what we did!  Thursday afternoon, Mike and I got on the plane and within a few hours, we were shedding our jackets, driving past beaches and palm trees on our way to Rob's house!  Holy crap!  We were really in California!!!

So many things happened while we were there, but the reason we were there was to run the Surf City Half Marathon in Huntington Beach!  The doctors had told me that they wouldn't recommend me running the race, but I wasn't in any pain, the swelling was gone and I saw no reason not to do it.  So after a week of not running, the three of us went for a short two mile run to shake the cob webs out and fill our lungs with some awesome California air!

We ran the two miles and I was feeling a bit weak.  Of course, our pace was a bit quick for me, but ran along the boardwalk and I could feel the salty ocean air in my face.  The Pacific was so close I just had to walk across the sand to touch it.  The sun, nearly ready to set, was warm on my skin and if I could make tears, I'm sure I would have had one or two for the beauty of it all.

Checking out the Expo with Rob.

 The morning of the race was absolutely incredible!!  The sun was shining, the temperatures were in the low 60's, so getting to run without three layers of clothes was incredibly liberating!!  There were  nearly 20,000 runners between the full and half marathon, so this was a pretty big deal!

Rob and I had talked earlier about a plan.  My initial plan was to run the first 3 or 4 miles at a  slower pace, about 11:00 or so.  Then, after I settled in and could figure out how I was feeling, pick it up a bit and save some for the finish.  My goal was to finish in 2:30:00 and  feel good! That was my plan!

So when the "gun" went off for our wave, although I'm still not sure we started with the correct wave, I was doing everything I could to pull back the reigns a bit.  There were so many runners that I spent a lot of time bobbing and weaving trying to stay between Mike, who was on my right, and Rob, on my left.  I figured if I placed myself between these two big guys, I wouldn't end up kissing the pavement if someone cut me off on my blind side.  And, as it has in the past, my plan paid off!  No road rash on this girl!!!  The first three miles were straight out on the Pacific Coast Highway.  We would catch glimpses  of the beach or Ocean on our left and it was amazing.  I could see that my pace was holding steady at a 10:30.  A little quick, but I was feeling so strong and holding back was difficult with this many people around, so I listened to the Forrest Gump in my head and "just kept running!"  We turned to the right after mile three and ran through a residential area with a few slight hills and lots of curvy streets.  The scenery was beautiful and there were lots of cheerleaders along the route.  Spirits were high and at about 6 we turned back onto  the PCH for another 2 miles North before hitting the turn around to bring it 5 miles back in.  By this time, I was ready for that turn around.  I was holding that 10:30 pace pretty well and I was beginning to wonder where the heck mile 8 was!!

We reached the turnaround and headed toward the finish line.  At this point, my pace slowed and looking down at my Garmin started to become a bit of a problem for me.  I could feel some frustration building as I watched my pace get closer to that 11:00.  I wanted that 2:30:00 so bad, I was quite sure I could taste it.  Rob helped me through some discomfort in my right leg, telling me to widen my stance and shorten my stride. It was helping.  I found myself looking to the ground because I was feeling a slow and gradual incline and at mile 10, that was the last thing I wanted to tackle.  Rob said it was just a bit longer before the incline leveled off, but it never did!  Those  darn last 5 miles were all up "hill".  Again, Rob told me to look straight ahead and watch the bobbing heads in front of me, but that made it all worse!  I knew we were climbing, so looking down was all I could do at that point.  I was getting sore and tired.

And then, like a bat to the forehead, it hit me!  Yet again, I was in a situation where I was finding that I am so much stronger than I ever thought that I was or could be.  After three days in the hospital with a very serious infection, I was thousands of miles from home running a half marathon with my incredible husband and coach!  Yeah, I had run 13.1 miles before, but never feeling as strong as I was that day.  Sure, I was tired and my muscles were burning, but I was going to set a new PR that day, I could feel it in every step and I knew it with every beat of my heart.  Well, that and I was watching the time on my Garmin!  Must have been the Prednisone!  Hmmm...I don't think that is the steroid of choice, but hey, it just might have worked for me that day!

So as we neared the finish line, I savored every brief moment.  Although my body was ready to stop, I didn't want any of it to be over!  I had trained so hard, I had come so far and although finishing was the ultimate goal, I didn't ever want to get there.  Could this be the runner's high they speak of?  Or was it just that I had grown in ways that surprised even me?  The simple parts of life were becoming large, palpable, taking on a life of their own?  Was I truly learning to live again?  Without fear, doubt, anger, anxiety even?  No, not completely, but maybe with less of it than I used to.  And learning to live again after nearly dying, has got to be the scariest thing I have ever done.  Because now you know what you stand to lose.  You are aware of all of the beautiful things around you that before you never even knew were there.  And that in itself is worth living for!

We finished that race, not in 2:30:00, but in 2:25:44.  We had crossed the finish line more than 4 minutes faster than my original goal and nearly 15 minutes sooner than my previous Personal Record!  I had set a new PR for myself and on top of all of that, I felt AMAZING!  There were no dehydration issues, no stomach pains, and other than some tired muscles, I was perfect!  It was a day to celebrate for sure!

Mike and I enjoyed our trip to California so much.  So many highlights from that trip!  Seeing dolphins swimming in the ocean, stepping foot in the Pacific Ocean, getting to know my incredible coach, eating amazing food, setting personal bests, and continuing to learn more about myself.  But one thing that I will NEVER forget is getting to meet Silver Medalist and 2009 New York City Marathon winner, Meb Keflezighi.  Actually, we ate pizza with him!  Oh yes we did!  Meb and Rob happen to be dear friends and Rob asked Meb if he would be willing to join us for dinner.  He also shared part of my story with Meb, who also came into running with an incredible story of his own, and told him of my Surf City PR.  The surprising thing to Mike and I about Meb was how humble he was.  He congratulated me on a great race!  Ha!  He congratulated me!!!  Just a girl from Wisconsin who averages a 10:30 pace all for the sake of raising awareness of an illness almost no one has ever heard of.  A girl who had just weeks before watched Meb  win the Olympic marathon Trials on tv!  I watched him in my sweats, sitting on my couch, finish 26.2 miles in 2:09:07!  It was in that moment that he taught me, and I finally learned, that everyone has a personal best and that a mile is still a mile no matter how quickly you complete it!  In the presence of one of the best distance runner's of all time, I believed I was a runner!  I too am a runner!  Thank you, Meb!

To say that California was amazing would be an understatement!  California was life changing for me and maybe even for my husband.  With all of the wonderful things that we were able to do, I was also reminded that he will always be my biggest supporter!  He believes in me, encourages me and holds me up when  need it most.  What a blessed life I have!

Pre-race Jitters?

In order to catch you up on the most recent events, I have to tell you a bit about my last week. I had been suffering a bit with some pain under my left eye, the bad one. Nothing major, so I thought, until it swelled to a rather large and disturbing size. On Friday morning, the swelling was down and I went to work as usual. Saturday morning I met up with my relay team, Team Opus, for a get together training run after doing my own 4 miles. It had snowed the night before and it was very windy, so I found the run challenging and I was tired.

Again, didn't think much of it until later in the afternoon when the pain around my eye increased. I took the prosthetic out and rested as much as I could, went to bed that night and figured I'd be fine in the morning. Well, at about 4:00 am, I was sitting up in bed, grabbing my eye telling mike something was terribly wrong. A quick call to the Nurse On Call and we were off to the emergency room.

Two thoughts were going through my mind at this time. 1) I am leaving for California in 5 days and 2) please let them give me an antibiotic that won't kill me and send me home. A CT scan later showed that the culprit was periorbital cellulitis probably caused by a sinus infection I didn't realize I even had. I like to tahink it's because I have a strong pain threshold, but it's probably more me I was just too stupid or stubborn to think that anything was wrong. So, I was shocked to find out that oral antibiotics would not be the way to go for me at this time since the infection was pretty extensive. The doctors were concerned the infection had travelled into the bone, which needed IV antibiotics. Probably would be out of the hospital in 24 hours.

The fear I felt in that hospital is something I could probably never explain to someone who has not had the experience I had during my TENs ordeal. My anxiety was high and all I wanted to do was get out of there. My thoughts of getting to run Surf City turned hazy and I had to realize that my body just might not be able to overcome this quick enough. I had three different doctors working with me. A general hospitalist, an infectious disease specialist and an ENT. All of them were giving me different ideas as to how to treat the infection. All of them pretty much told me I wouldn't be going to California. The first round of pain medications made me horribly sick that first day. I couldn't keep anything down and the nausea was a grim reminder of the months I spent on the burn unit. I was hooked up to three different antibiotics, hoping to kill the bacteria causing all of this, yet I continuously prayed that I didn't notice any itching or the start of a rash! The fear was bigger than I was at this point.

The doctors came in, told me I would be there a few more days and that if the second CT showed that the infection had travelled, that I would be facing 6-8 weeks of IV antibiotics. The race may not be out for sure, according to one doctor. We would just have to make arrangements with a hospital in San Diego to get my IV's each day. The thought of that perked me up a little, but it sounded a tad ridiculous. On Monday, late afternoon, the ENT informed me that he didn't believe the infection had travelled and that there would be no reason for me to not go to California. Although, he didn't think it would be wise for me to run the 13.1 I had been training for since September. It all depended on the next morning's CT scan. I could either be going home and able to make Thursday's flight, or I would remain where I was until a scan came back where oral antibiotics would be sufficient.

Needless to say, sleep was the last thing on my mind and it was the longest night of my life. So many friends and family had come to visit me during those two days! I was surrounded by love, support, laughter, tears and of course, banana cream pie blizzard, Starbucks coffee, and blueberry muffins! It was all of those things that saved me from going crazy!!

Tuesday morning, they came to get me early for the CT scan. I was so releived to just get it over. Although they warn you that it will feel as though you have peed your pants, it really does cross your mind if you have!! Thank goodness, I didn't have that problem! Lol! Now, it was just a matter of waiting for the results. Waiting...waiting...waiting.

Well, I guess you can figure it out that the scan came back with marked improvement and I was out of that hospital by 12:30! Elated to be going home, my energy level was minimal and Zi knew that it was going to be tough to get everything done on time to make our flight. That, and the fact that I had yet one more setback before it was all over.

By Wednesday afternoon, I was sure that there was something wrong again. My mouth was raw and my stomach tender to the touch. I thought for sure it was the antibiotic and that I was having another asks reaction. I nearly stroked out as I drove to the walk in clinic to see yet another doctor. The thoughts of returning to the hospital crossed my mind. I had ADR. scneider on speed dial on the burn unit just ready to tell him I was coming back! That this time around, I would probably not survive the SJS and that I wanted to make sure they just let me go. Make me as comfortable as possible and let me say good bye! Oh, the crazy nutso things you think of when you have danced that closely with death! When I got to the clinic, Dr. burned came in, took one look in my mouth and informed me that it was a typical side effect from the antibiotics. All of the good and bad bacteria were being killed off and so another medication and I would be fine! Now, what pace was I planning to run that half marathon in???

Wait...WHAT? What the hell did you just say? I'm not going back to the hospital? I'm not going to die? And, hold on, I can run the half marathon??? I told you I though I was going to have a stroke, right? Well, if ever there was a time to do it, it would have been then! So I grabbed my prescription, picked my jaw up off the floor and headed out of the clinic. I was going to California!!!!!!

And so, here we are! Mike and I flew out on Thursday, just as we had planned. It is now Saturday, the morning before the race. My coach, Rob, is taking us to zhuntington Beach where we will check into our hotel and then go for a much needed run. Of course, a very short and non strenuous one, but I haven't run in a week. I need to get my head in the game and a few miles on my feet may just help with that.

The weather here is absolutely beautiful and I see God's blessings on us in everything. This is the chance of a lifetime and I am taking it!! I will be a part of 20,000 runners tomorrow and representing Team SJS all of the way out here in sunny California. I will keep you posted on the day's events and tomorrow's fabulous race!!! We're on our way, friends! We're on our way!!!!

This is My Life!

So last Saturday was what I consider to be my  last "long" run before the Surf City Half.  I have 10 miles scheduled for this weekend's long run, but that distance no longer seems daunting to me.  I have run 13 miles two weeks in a row.  One week was with my husband and dog with light layers and no snow to be found, the second was a solo run with plenty of snow and ice and included frozen water bottles.  Both times made me feel as though I were more than ready to knock this one out of the park!

Last week, while I was struggling to hurdle snow banks, trying to keep my fingers and face warm, and prayed that my Yak Traks would get me home safely, I tuned into a song that was blaring in my ears through my headphones.  I run to music when I'm alone and so many times I have found inspiration from it.  The lyrics maybe or the beat of the bass drum or the riff of a guitar solo.  Music moves me, plain and simple.  But at this point, 8 miles in on a very cold and probably the toughest training run of my measly career, I heard something a little different.  It wasn't a song about inspiration or motivation.  It wasn't a song with a hip hop beat and fast tempo.  It wasn't even a more recent song, no this one has been around for awhile.

I heard the singer start out saying that "Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead."'  I found myself nodding thinking that I used to have more wrinkles, but those were lost with my illness.  Lucky me! "Yesterday is a promise that you've broken. Don't Close your eyes, don't close your eyes."   "...And today is all you've got now. Yeah, and today is all you'll ever have.  This is  your life, are you who you want to be?"  I felt the cold from the barely 20 degree temperatures reach through my many layers and goose bumps formed on my skin.  I felt a shiver ripple through my body and realized it wasn't the fact that I was wet, cold and in pain that made me shiver.  Instead it was the fact that I was hearing what Switchfoot was trying to convey.  Was I who I wanted to be?

My head began to flip through the scrapbook in my mind.  Flashes of my kids, husband, parents, and my big brother came and went.  Pictures of my book club, my co workers, my SJS and running friends.  Then memories from my first 5k after beating the odds.  My first half marathon and last year's disappointing performance.  An ugly confrontation with another Survivor about Team SJS and his belief that athletic events such as the Fox Cities Half/Full marathon are inappropriate for Stevens Johnson's Survivors.  His belief that I am not doing enough and that my focus should be on "Big Pharma."  It all crossed my mind and then I thought about what I was trying to accomplish on this cold day.

"Yesterday is a kid in the corner.  Yesterday is dead and over.  Don't close your eyes...This is your life, are you who you want to be?"  I felt a smile creep across my face and I heard myself say out loud, "Yeah...I think I am."  Quickly looking up to see who may possibly be around to hear me talking to myself with a stupid smile across my face, I realized I was completely alone.  Which actually made me think about how crazy I might actually be!  There wasn't another runner around as far as I could see!

I thought again about all of the things I have done in my life.  All of the mistakes I have made, and trust me there are some big ones, the trust I have given to people who never deserved it and the pain I felt from their betrayals. My own desperate actions that have affected the ones I love and my process to make those things right again. The choices I have made to overcome my physical and emotional obstacles left behind from the illness that nearly took my life, but I wouldn't let it, and the incredible people I have now chosen to surround myself with that make me a better person just being who they are.   Yes, this is MY life and I'm who I want to be!!  The good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly, I'll take it all.

So how about it? Are you who you wanna be??

Does a PR count if you're just training?

Today was absolutely unbelievable!  Hours later, and I am still flying high!  My husband and I started out with our dog, Toby, about 9:00 this morning.  The sun was shining so bright in the sky, the temperature was about 22 degrees and there was very little wind.  We had dressed in multiple layers, strapped our numerous bottles of water and G2 to our belts and shoved our pockets with Hammer Gel and then we were off!

I was armed with my brand new Garmin and watching the miles go up one at a time was an absolute thrill.  We passed the time by talking about our once in a lifetime trip to California in less than a month.  We are getting to stay with my coach and now good friend, Rob, and his beautiful daughter, Megan.  Neither of us have ever been to California, other than a layover at LAX on our way to Hawaii years ago.  Mike said the part he is looking forward to the most is the warm temperatures!  I laughed since we still haven't had more than an inch of snow this winter.  Extremely bizarre weather for Wisconsin in January. 

I thought about what I was looking forward to the most on this trip.  There are so many things to look forward to!  Finally meeting Rob for the first time after two years of working together, getting away from the cold weather for a few days, running along the Pacific Coast Highway looking out at the ocean, spreading awareness of Stevens Johnson Syndrome by representing Team SJS among thousands of runners, or reaching my own personal goal of beating my PR from two years ago at the Fox Cities Half.  I told you, there are just so many!!

I ran the most solid run I have ever run at that distance!  My fears and anxieties of feeling sick on this run never crossed my mind.  I just went out and ran!  Mike and I talked and laughed and I enjoyed every minute we had together.  He even paid me the biggest compliment he ever could have.  We talked about my dream to run a full marathon this year and the questions I had about whether or not I could do it.  He never paused when he said that he knew I could do it and that I had more determination than he ever did when he trained for the three that he completed.  I will never forget that moment and will always be grateful that he believes in me the way that he does!  Everyone needs someone that believes in them more than they do themselves, but not everyone is that blessed.

When we reached mile 11, I started to really feel it in my legs and my hips.  My joints began to feel as though they were on fire.  We both got a little more quiet and I concentrated hard on the task at hand.  Just 2 miles to go.  2 more miles and we would be home.  One foot and  then the other, breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth, concentrating on my posture, not letting the fatigue take over.  I thought about the other two times I had run this distance and how terrible I felt then and how good I felt now.  Sure I was uncomfortable, but I was running, no walking and my stomach was not giving me any problems!  

As we rounded the final corner, I looked down at my Garmin, looked up and then looked at it again!  Are you kidding me??  Really??  I was killing my PR!  Not by seconds, not by a few minutes.  I hit 13.1 miles and realized I had done it 15 minutes faster than my PR!  15 minutes!!!  I wasn't doubled over in pain and I wasn't sprinting for a bathroom either. I felt great and I felt proud!  I worked hard for that moment, even though it was a training run and the only other person to share it with me was Mike.  But honestly, I couldn't think of another person that would have been more proud than him!

So next week, we get to do it all again!!  Another 13 mile training run on the schedule!  I'm pretty sure Rob is trying to kill me, but I'll do it again.  And then in 4 weeks, I'll do it again!  Here we come California!  Here we come!!

2012 - The Greatest Year Yet?

Over the past few weeks, I have thought, off and on, about all of the amazing things in my life.  I think we all do something like that around this time of year.  There is a list a mile long including family, friends, my job and now that my health issues have (knock on wood) settled down a bit, it is time to be thankful that I have that again.  For the past three years, surgeries, specialists, medicated eye drops, long drives and doctor's office waiting rooms have been a constant.  Something that I had just figured would be a way of life for me for the rest of my years here on this planet.  Luckily, I have had several months of stability.  Nothing has gotten better, but nothing has worsened either.  I am still able to live a fairly normal life, albeit with major changes in the way I do things, but nothing is going to stop me from doing the things I love!


So it is with that in mind that I start thinking about what my goals for 2012 will be.  I'm not a big resolution maker, since those seem to fall by the wayside within a few short weeks or months.  Instead, I think of all of the things I would like to accomplish in the year.  For me, if it is more of a task list, I seem to be more successful at it than if it is a list of things I'd like to change.  A technicality maybe, but it seems to work a bit better for me.


Of course, there are several areas in my life that I would like to make task lists for, but today, I am working on my running goals for the year.  The biggest goal and the one that sticks out in my mind the most is the completion of my first full marathon!  Deb, a dear friend of mine, and I have decided that this is the year for us to tackle those 26.2!  I have to get that sticker for my car window, that's all there is to it!!


The Lakefront Marathon in Milwaukee is on October 7th this year.  It's the race that we both decided on and for me, there could not be a better choice!  As I was looking at the route to decide if this was one I would like to spend 5 or more hours on, I could see that St. Mary's Hospital is located between miles 7 and 8.  The place where I spent 3 months fighting for my life and the place where I lost so much muscle and weight that I left the hospital with a wheelchair and a walker to help me in my process of relearning how to walk and keep my balance.  It's hard to believe that I was ever that sick and that I have come so far since then.  Thinking back, I remember when I first started running again, that first mile on the treadmill where I felt as though I had a cinder blocks on my feet and one misstep would land me in a heap on the floor.  I was so proud of the moment that I had worked up to running outside.  I felt like a true runner again!  I ran 2 miles in 26:46, a 13:23 pace.  I felt like I was flying!  Since then, I have run those 3.1 miles at a 9:56 pace.  Just getting stronger!


Running the Lakefront Marathon, no matter the time, will be a sense of completion for me.  I was sick, I survived, I healed, and now I'm better than I was before I ever heard of Stevens Johnson Syndrome.  It will be an emotional journey, but one well worth the ride!


I'm also planning to tackle 2 more half marathons, a 55 mile relay, and the Fox Cities relay for Team SJS.  I know there are more that I want to do, but those are the ones I have put on my list so far.  My other goal for the year is to see if I can reach 1,000 miles running.  This year was a little over 600, so we'll see how close I get.  


So here is to yet another year of living life to it's fullest, conquering those fears that still linger and that self-doubt that rears it's ugly head from time to time.  Here's to helping other SJS Survivors to realize their own potential and the possibility of achieving their own  goals.  Here's to one foot in front of the other... one day at a time!

California Dreaming!

I hope everyone had a fabulous Thanksgiving!!  I know we sure did.  Surrounded by family, amazing food and Packer football!!  A win over the Lions just put the cherry on top of the sundae!  I also got to run a 5 mile Turkey Trot here in my own neighborhood, so it was great!

It has been so long since I have updated my blog!  So many things are happening right now it's crazy!  On top of the list is that I am in the process of training once again!  I am so lucky to have the opportunity to get to run in the Surf City Half Marathon on February 5, 2012 with my husband and also my running coach, Rob!  Surf City is in Huntington Beach, California and runs all along the ocean!  This, my friends, is a Bucket List opportunity and I am working hard to make the absolute best of my training so I can have a positive and amazing experience!

Of course, with the race being in February, that means that I will be training in the snow, ice, sleet, rain and cold of Wisconsin for the next several months.  Learning how to layer and dress appropriately is always a challenge and that has been a big one so far.  I have been lucky that we have only had one snowfall so far and that forced me to hit the treadmill .  I was too afraid of falling, so I have some Yak Tracks on the top of my Christmas list this year.

With all of the stomach issues I have continued to have over the past two years, I have finally started moving in what we hope to be a positive direction.  My coach has helped me with so much and part of that is working with Kim, a sports nutritionist.  She is amazing and has shown me all of the things I have been doing wrong when I thought I was doing everything right!  I never understood exactly how big of a role nutrition plays in something like running because I had never been that kind of a runner!  Never thought I would run 5 miles let alone run a half marathon or quicken my pace like I have over the past couple of months that Rob has  been training me.   So we are working diligently on trying to get this all figured out so that I can run in California without worrying about getting sick.  I write down everything I eat and categorize it, making sure I am taking in enough calories and enough of the right kind.  To be honest, it can be a royal pain in the ass trying to relearn something you thought you had down pat, like eating.  I mean, who doesn't know how to do that??  Apparently, I don't and so it is baby steps and a bit of a tedious task, but it will be well worth it in the end.

We plan to represent Team SJS in California amongst the thousands of runners on that Super Bowl Sunday.  I will proudly wear my team shirt and run with my family and friends who have supported my every step in my heart and in my mind.  Maybe I'll have the opportunity to educate some people along the way as well.  But for now, I keep plugging along with every workout, speed session, yoga session, meditation and long run to keep building upon what I have regained so far.  I'll try and keep this updated along the way, just in case you might be interested.  Or better yet, inspired, even a little bit, to reach for something you never thought you could touch.  If I can do it, anyone can!

2011 Fox Cities Half Marathon Recap!

It's been nearly a month since the Fox Cities Half Marathon and I am just getting a free moment to recap it for you!  So much of it is a whirlwind of events, but I'll try and recapture as much of it as possible.

It all began on Thursday afternoon when Tracy and Jaden flew in from Canada.  I went to the airport and picked them up, took them to lunch, drove them around town a little and then took them to Oshkosh where they would stay with a host family for the weekend.  Paula, a friend of mine from high school, was the first to jump on board to offer up her home for one of the families to stay.  It was amazing to feel the support of my friends and family for what we were doing from the very beginning.

On Friday, I picked up Vicki from the airport all of the way here from South Carolina.  I received text messages all day long as more and more Survivors got to their hotels and planes landed!  It truly was incredible to know that all of these people were coming to the Midwestern town of Appleton, WI just to meet other people that had experienced what they had.  On Friday night, Becki and her family, from Michigan, invited us all to her hotel where the kids played in the pool and the adults met for the very first time.  Overwhelming doesn't begin to describe it!  We sat together and talked about our eyes, about our fingernails

Meeting Lindsay Estacio for the first time!

or lack thereof and "cried" together as it all began to sink in that we were actually all together in the same room.  And it wasn't just the Survivors.  Family members and friends shared in the moments as well, talking about their experiences with SJS and how they too will never be the same.  We all wished for the night to go on forever, but it couldn't and we knew we had a huge weekend ahead of us!  The next day was filled to the brim with more excitement as four more Survivors arrived for the festivities and a party was to begin!  Oh yes, and then we had 13.1 miles to cover the following day.  We were ready for the healing of the weekend to begin!

Vicki Lown, Becki Conway, Tracy hogan, Kendra Schmidt, Lindsay Estacio

On Saturday morning, we rushed to get Tracy's son, Jaden to the start line of the 5k.  This brave young man was walking the 3.1 miles by himself proudly wearing his Team SJS shirt!  As Tracy and I stood at the finish line, watching for any sign of the bright blue shirt, Tracy shared with me how moving the experience of the 5k was.  We were surrounded by runners, walkers, family members and friends of people who had set out to reach their own goals and complete a race that morning no matter what!  I get choked up thinking about it and knowing that Jaden was walking for his very own Hero, his Mom, was something that I will never forget.

Tracy and Jaden before the 5k.

In under an hour, Jaden came through the crowd heading for that finish line!  He had done it!!!  All by himself and Tracy and I couldn't have been more proud.  With a medal around his neck and his Mom on his arm, we headed for the car to head back to the airport.  We had another special package that just might be waiting for us!!

When we got to the airport, we waited only moments for Eva to get off the plane all of the way from San Francisco.  I knew exactly who she was from the pictures I had seen of her.  She was as sweet as she was stunning and we hugged like we had known each other for years!  We loaded up her luggage and got her to her host family's home.  It seemed to be a perfect fit!  My friend, Amy, and her family took splendid care of Eva and shared in the celebration of the weekend as well.  Eva settled in and we would meet up with her later at the pasta dinner.

Most of the rest of the day was a total blur for me.  I was racing around getting things to where they needed to be along with the help of my mom, my dear friend Stacy and my husband, Mike.  The banquet hall had a table to make signs and posters as well as a table of games and activities for the kids that were all donated from Fox Communities Credit Union where Stacy works.  Food was catered in and we filled the room with friends, family, love and support that was intoxicating the moment you set foot in the door.  Everyone talked and shared stories and learned everything they could about each other and the similarities in all they had gone through.  The sound I remember the most was laughter!  How could something as terrible as SJS bring about something as amazing as that?  But it did, and we clung to it knowing that this was something so special that there are simply no words to describe it!

Survivors in attendance from left to right include Catherine Walchle, Lori Lewis (Lindsay's mother), Lindsay Estacio, Eva Uhlin, Kendra Schmidt, Becki Conway, Jacob Berdyck, Vicki Lown and Tracy Hogan.

Later in the evening, I was pleasantly surprised as a young man walked up to me.  Someone I had never seen before, but for some reason he looked familiar to me.  The story goes like this.  Months back, I had received a friend request on FaceBook by a man who lived in Waukesha, a city near Milwaukee that I had attended college in.  We didn't have any friends in common, but I friended him anyway thinking that we must have someone in common.  He ordered several Team SJS shirts, and I was amazed at how supportive he was.  I thought it was great!  Well, come to find out, the man that had walked into the room along with his friend, was Dustyn Rynders and he shared with me that he too was an SJS Survivor!  He had been sick when he was only 2 years old and I was blown away!!  Not only that, but embarrassed as hell that I had never made the connection!  So, instead of having 8 Survivors there that weekend, we had 9!!!  Dustyn and his friend were running the half marathon on Sunday.

That night, Eva, Vicki and Tracy came to our house and we got all of our things together for the race.  I finally had a chance to sit and talk to them about their experiences and I was so glad to have the opportunity to do so.  I learned so much about each of them and knew that I was not alone in my own daily struggles with SJS.  The healing continued.

At 4:30 Sunday morning, I awoke to a horrible cramp in my left calf and I knew then that through all of the wonderful moments of the weekend, I was in serious trouble before the half marathon had even started.  With the business of the past few days, I had failed to take care of myself enough to be ready to run 13.1 miles without the affects of my SJS stealing the best part of my race.  I said nothing to anyone but my husband, who had been the one to help get rid of the cramp and went about my morning dropping off a car at the finish line, rounding up all of the people meeting at our house and heading for the start line.  We took pre race photos and the excitement filled us all as we readied ourselves for a huge challenge.  Some of us had never run or walked that distance before and we were giddy with excitement.

Cover 2 CoverGirls Book Club.  Ready to leave it all out on the course!

The gun went off and we were on our way.  I was lucky enough to run with Kevin Carr, Jacob Berdyck and Rob Zachman while Mike ran ahead to give this half his undivided attention.  This was Jacob's first half and I teased him for weeks about his training schedule.  The most he had ever run at one time was 5 miles!  He was sure he would beat me and I joked with him telling him that he might, but that I would be seeing him in the medical tent at the end of the race!  We all laughed a lot and ran together, ticking the miles off one by one.  Kevin even had my favorite songs on his ipod to keep me going if I should need it.  I belted out Miley Cyrus' The Climb just for affect!!

Kevin Carr, Kendra Schmidt and Jacob Berdyck just before mile 12.

I remember not feeling well at about mile 4.  My stomach had already started cramping and I felt myself start to question my ability to make it through to the end.  But then I saw the most wonderful thing I could have seen.  Waiting for us around the bend were several Survivors with the signs they had made screaming at the top of their lungs!!  They were proud of us, but honestly, I was more proud of them!  They had traveled from all over the US to be here to help spread awareness and to support us through this thing!  They were all the inspiration I needed to keep going.

The best cheering section we could ask for!!!

We pushed on and saw my family at mile 7.  They cheered and urged us to keep going.  At about mile 9, I thought for sure I was done.  I slowed down to walk for a moment and felt a shooting pain work it's way through my knee.  It was excruciating and I remember Rob asking if I was ok.  The color had drained from my face as I worried about those next 4 miles.  Did I have it in me?  Did I just ask myself that question?

I started running again, although I knew my pace was way off and the thought of beating last year's time slipped away from me.  I had thought that I was strong enough to beat last year, that I had worked harder and it was in my grasp, but it wouldn't be true for me on this day.  We crossed the bridge in front of Theda Clarke Hospital where I had spent my first days in the hospital.  I was so far from that day, but being there in that moment took me right back to that hell.  With the help of Jacob and Kevin and those who were now ahead of me and those yet behind me, I put that damn foot in front of the other and just kept on.  By the final mile, I knew I couldn't run anymore.  My stomach was churning and my left hip and calf were screaming.  I knew I had to make it around the park, past the lighthouse and then I was in the clear.  Only 1 mile left!

I walked most of that last mile and I struggled to hide my disappointment.  Kevin knew.  We had talked about it weeks before the race and we talked about the only thing being important today was finishing.  It wasn't about beating a time on this day, it was simply crossing that finish line.  With the finish line in sight, Kevin urged me to run it in.  My husband was there and asked how I was doing.  I told him I wasn't doing well, but I plastered a smile on my face as I looked in the stands to see another group of Team SJS supporters.  They were cheering and screaming, that I knew.  I looked at the clock and knew that it had beaten me this time, but next year would be different.  I crossed that finish line with Jacob on my left, one step ahead of me.  He did it!!  He finished 13.1 miles and he beat me too!  He had earned that!!

As I looked ahead and saw Kevin with his dang camera in his face, I felt the strength go out of my legs.  They were no longer under me and I no longer had the strength to keep them there.  Red shirts surrounded me and I felt the sting of disappointment.  I had trained so hard yet failed myself those last few days because I didn't do what I knew I had to do.  Note to self!  Next year would be much different!

Although I was the one in the med tent and not Jacob, I was glad!!!  I wouldn't want anyone else in there!  Not the happiest of all places to be.  But I learned a very powerful lesson that day.  Not only about running, but about life in general.  We all need to take care of ourselves first and foremost before we can take care of anyone else.  It really is the best thing we can do for those we love.  And so I will keep running because I love it and because it is mine and mine alone.  Sure I may share the sport with millions of people, but those minutes, miles and hours out on the road are all mine.  No one trains for me, no one pounds the pavement for me.  I have to do it myself and I honestly love every painful minute of it.

It wasn't horribly long and I was back on my feet and with the rest of the Team.  I actually even got to see the relay team cross the finish line.  It was so exciting!!!  They had all done amazingly well!  My book club walked the entire half, some ran a few miles while others walked it together.  The most important thing was that everyone who had started it had finished it!!!  We did it!!  Every one of us!!  And we were greeted by our cheering sections and supporters at the finish.

This is most of the members of the 2011 Team SJS.  Unfortunately we weren't able to get everyone in the picture!  I think we achieved what we had set out to do that day.  We raised awareness and started the healing process for some of us who have been struggling with that part of the journey.  And to me, that's the biggest part.

On Monday morning, we made our way to the Queen Bee for our traditional greasy spoon breakfast.  We had earned every one of those calories!!!  It was amazing for me to see the friendships that had been made with not only Survivors, but my friends and family as well.  We even had a member of the team go out that day and get a tattoo on her foot to commemorate that day, her first half marathon!!  We all eventually had to say good bye and one by one everyone left for home.  I remember feeling the let down in the quiet of my house, but I wasn't afraid like I had been the year before.  I knew that this was going to happen again in 2012 and again in 2013 and so on.  We may not all be here again together.  There may be others here, there may be more or there may be less.  But the healing that took place on that special weekend and the friendships that were made will last a lifetime.  No one that shared in that day will ever forget.

As for me, I am training again!  Back to running and the simplicity of it.  Just running the miles.  This time, I'm training for the Surf City Half Marathon in Huntington Beach, California that is taking place on February 5, 2012.  I'll be running this one with my husband and my coach, Rob Hill.  Someone who has helped me through more than he will ever really know!  Not only my physical healing, but emotional healing as well.  We'll be representing Team SJS all of the way in California and I can't wait to share it with you!

And to my fellow Survivors who were here that weekend in body and those that were here in Spirit, thank you!  You save my life each and every day!  Keep moving people, keep moving!!  And we'll see you all again next year!!